Under the spell

This isn’t something I would share, but this one, it is something. I was never so influenced by my own music, I always listen to my on repeat for 2 or 3 days with critical ears, I will never have such critical ears when I’m listening to my favorite artist or any other artist. If you are someone like me, then you should get rid of such critical ears and go easy on yourself.

So I was listening to my new musical piece, just to see if I did well there and check if there was anything that needed my attention. it has a melancholic tone. I can’t say how many times I played it on repeat but every time I played it, I wanted more of it, with that melancholic tone it felt like I was giving myself the permission to open my wounds again. Months have gone, since I lost my lover and a friend. When the violins start playing I could see them, it is something I don’t want to see or be reminded of.

When I’m dealing with such mundane things that I can’t handle, normally I watch some animal documentary or a documentary on space and universe or play games, it helps me to maintain my calm, at least to some extent. This time around, I painted this picture, I was still under the spell of my music. It was playing in the background.

29 thoughts on “Under the spell

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    1. That is exactly what Im feeling, maybe when I share the my work itself you may be able to see where Im coming from. The music I’ve forwarded it to a friend for a poetic collab, If everything goes well, I’ll have it here by next week. If not I’ll have it here within some days.
      And hey Im so excited about my trek, thanks to your blog, the date has been fixed. Just a month to go. I watched some vlogs on it but I forgot the name of the place

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Waiting to listen to it. Really excited about your trek. Is it in Nepal itself? I am sure you are going with your friends in a group so that’s going to be so much fun! I hope you find some more inspiration for your music and poetry from the mountains. And, guess what, I made a sudden plan too and going for another trek to Kashmir next week 🙂

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      2. The name of the place is Khopra, its another step from Poonhill, I went to Poonhill 2 years ago, we are a group of 6 .im sure it will be fun, so mich hype from your treks. And Im planning to make a video this time, lets see.
        Wow Kashmir, god that is heaven, im know of its beauty, I have a friend from Kashmir. I hope your plans will be successful.


      3. I just checked it out, it looks stunning, you’re all set to have a fantastic time. I will eagerly wait for the video. I really want to trek in Nepal. A friend recently came from Annapurna and Poonhill and has such exciting stories to tell. I really hope Nepal Himalayas will call me and someday I can make it that side.

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      4. I am looking for ABC trek in near future, most of my friends have been there, Its a challenging one they said. Im sure your passion and love for trekking will bring you here one day.


  1. You’re not alone Ankit. I feel the same. I’ve been working on my Master Thesis for nearly a year, no I’m not satisfied, it’s just not good enough. It both upsets me and disappoints me sometimes. I’m very sorry to hear about your loss, sending my best wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Isabelle. That was comforting, hope you’ll be both satisfied and successful on your thesis, even my thesis for my bachelors was rejected twice. what is your major? Im making preparations for my Master’s entrance.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have a bachelor degree in International Marketing and worked in the finance/accounting sector for many years. I’m currently doing my Master Degree in English Language.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Im a business student, with a bachelors in Business Studies. worked as a junior accountant for a small business house and and as an audit assistant. Thank you for sharing Isabelle and best wishes.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so very beautiful, Ankit. I forget sometimes that You are grieving some very heavy losses. This painting says so much. Your heart is right there. Thank You for sharing…it’s raw and very brave that You painted while You were feeling that way….and that You gift it to us. Sending huge hugs and Much Love. Thanks also for the reminder to go easy on ourselves. Everyone needs to hear that about a million times a day. ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The thing is I have accepted the fact and I am doing well moving on but sometimes you can’t help it and I take it to next level and calm myself by thinking of parents who lose their children in some tragedy. I put myself on their spot but I can only imagine. Unfortunately that is also the life. Thank you dear Katy. Sending hugs back to you.

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